Long Beach—Monday—April 6 Morning musings. This past weekend…a fire fundraiser on Saturday morning….Hands Off in downtown LA on Saturday afternoon…a Malibu gathering on Sunday, more fire fire fire discussion….and now Monday Monday, am I still here? A constant in all of this is being approached/asked:: “You seem so together and great…how?” “You always look as … Read more
Long Beach….Friday afternoon…. Where did theses words filter in from? A gentle reminder in the midst of chaos: A courageous heart will go forth and engage with life despite confusion and fear. A fearful heart will be hesitant and will tend to hold back. A heavy heart will make for a gloomy unlived life. And…. … Read more
Friday , April 4—Long Beach Yesterday morning I once again filled out paper work for an appeal to FEMA as they have not yet come through for me. Supposedly my documents are in order but with the threat of its cancellation I rolled up my sleeves to nudge again. Then, I perused Facebook and landed … Read more
Sunday Afternoon—March 30—Long Beach My favorite writing spot in Long Beach is in front of a stretch of grass with willow trees and quiet picnic-ers, on the banks of a waterway that also holds the SS Queen Mary. Every time I round the bend in the road that leads to finding a parking space, I … Read more
Long Beach— Thursday early evening, March 28 Rhythms….in the soul music accompanying the picnic over yonder….in the trees, as the wind expands and sighs…..in the wing flaps of cruising gulls….EVERYTHING in motion to a beat…throbbing life ….and a magnificently ‘on a mission’ eclipse is a comin’! When one’s own heart rhythm becomes chaotic, due to … Read more
Sunday Afternoon—March 23—Long Beach Corniche. This morning, this word greeted me and the very sound of it felt friendly. It means ‘a road cut into the edge of a cliff, especially one running along a coast’, well if that is not the bees knees. Is it a sign? One can hope. Yes, I am settled … Read more
Long Beach—Saturday Morning Yesterday afternoon, after navigating traffic snaffus on the 405 and attempting to find parking in Beverly Hills for a medical appointment, one of the WAYMO cars, (that to me look like helmits out of Star Wars), and I had a confrontational meeting of the NON minds. It was in my way and … Read more
Long Beach—March 20—SPRING!!!! In the years that I taught wee ones, mid morning outside play was fluff time. Spring flowers seduced bees to come thither, hence bee speeches were necessary on a daily basis. “If a bee comes to you, stand quietly and let him or her BE. When the bee discovers that your sweetness … Read more
Long Beach—Wednesday Night—the last night of winter In 1969 I quit college…actually took a leave of absence but never returned…to work in a state institution. College made no sense to me, as my world was in chaos..Viet Nam, drugs, sex, women’s lib….my friends were leaping off into all directions and I didn’t know what to … Read more
Long Beach—Wednesday, March 19 There are black and white tiles on the floor of my Long Beach shower. My grandparents lived in a ‘gilded age’mansion which they built in the early 1900’s. It had a dark mahogany elegantly carved curved starcase, with a secret cubbyhole underneath, and gates at both top and bottom. It stood … Read more
Long Beach—Tuesday Afternoon Every single morning during my teenage years, the household was WOKEN by my mother’s piano playing, which always began with the hymn, ’Morning Has Broken.’ My mother was a scholar, and if one commented on the lovliness of this, in return she would passionately remind us of its French and Scottish origin, … Read more
Long Beach—Tuesday Afternoon—March 18 THIS recently appeared in my ….do we call it ‘feed’? Earth based souls are designed to incarnate and evolve in body on earth usually hundreds or thousands of times on earth…growing and evolving, tripping and falling…there is a soul nursery…earth based souls are prepared to come to earth before they come. … Read more
Going on 9 weeks since the fire. At that time, the question “What are you going to do? Are you going to stay? Do you have a place? What about your family? HOW are you okay” THEN Question: What are you going to do? Answer: I have no idea. I have my car, and that’s … Read more
Long Beach—Friday Morning, March 7 Eight and a half weeks since The Fire. Shock, disorientation, immediate moment by moment survival…this has setlled…and now? The longer term reality. Creating surroundings that bring solace and healing and joy. Figuring out how to manifest food, meds, gas, shelter moving forward…(yes, my dollars were all in the house). Fema … Read more
Wednesday Morning, February 26, Long Beach An astrological ‘thing’ describing the inner and outer affects of the extraordinary planetary alignment that is approaching and where the world stands with this, crossed my path this morning and I succombed. Then an NPR interview with Oleksandra Malviichuk on her view of Ukraine, Russia and the US. THIS. … Read more
Tuesday Morning, February 25—Long Beach A bit of levity. Yes. I am blessed. Yes. I have landed in a spot near the ocean and am navigating my new surroundings with optimism. HOWEVER… This does not eradicate the fact that this is NOT my familiar digs and my rituals are adrift. The ‘familiar’ is paramount to … Read more
PROLOGUE Concord, New Hampshire Mid 50’s Before India, my father was the minister of the First Congregational Church in Concord, New Hampshire. Our family’s life was intrinsically intertwined with the church’s life and it was fun. I never felt the ‘shoulds and thou shalt nots’ that others have felt in their early church experiences…ours was … Read more
Saturday Afternoon—February 22—Long Beach It has almost been 7 weeks since the fire. For the world ‘out there’ it is a time of no time. Life has moved forward. This crisis touched hearts and profound actions of generosity and support came forth from behind bushes and from across the sea into mailboxes….. life rafts of … Read more
Long Beach, Tuesday Morning, February 18 Tenderness. Tenderness lives in our hearts and souls, BUT during times of trauma it gets tossed about and often hides out of sight. Our bodies throb with over active adrenaline and our cells forget to calm down and our minds decide NOT time out, no matter what. THIS is … Read more
Monday Afternoon—February 17— Long Beach Long Beach? Yes. A week ago today was my last day in my Mount Washington retreat apres the fire. My friend, my knightess with shining locks and brightness all ‘round…and her generous adventurous husband had bought a gorgeous home in Long Beach and we knew that the timing of the … Read more
Tuesday, February 11, Mount Washington My sparkling pink and turquoise fingernails are the gift of Goddess Indra. otheriwise known to me as Raindrop Rosebud. This girl. Ater snuggling up into me and reading ‘ Knight Owl’ complete with owl and dragon sound effects, (she had memorized every word and turned the pages perfectly as if … Read more
Tuesday, February 11, Mount Washington As the world throbs with upset during this time, human beings’ innate natural spirit of caring, connection, generosity and standing together has been front and center in my lap and in my mailbox, in the most creative, delightful, BEAUTIFUL ways. And now, one tale…and an enchanting herd of tails. Lisa’s … Read more
Tuesday, February 11, Mount Washington Five weeks ago this morning I woke up in my Malibu bed, greeting the birds, the trees and the day and having no idea this would be the last in the intimate precious world of my sacred space. This morning I woke to the birds, the trees and the day … Read more
Friday Evening, January 31—Mount Washington Having heard yesterday that one could now acquire a certificate from Malibu City Hall that would allow one to go up and down Pacific Coast Highway freely, forever, without being questioned or escorted, I headed out this morning. Three hours later, with pass in hand, what to do? Fly! My … Read more
Thursday, January 30—Marina Del Rey Even though my introduction to the world of CBD gummies was wondrously fun, I have not actually partaken any. They sit there looking at me but they do not call me. Hence my heart-rate has continued to gallop. What to do? Earth to me…MY SEA LIONS. And so here I … Read more
Chinese New Year and the Year of the Snake arrive today. Snakes. Snake medicine, snake mythology, culturally passionately polarizing. Who really knows a snake? Who really knows anything? NOW, here in LA, we are in a collective dreamspace, in that we are all reverberating from the fire breathing dragon that wiped out our world, our … Read more
January 28, Evening, Mount Washington Three weeks ago today, in tandem with the fiire, my historically low blood pressure decided to re-create itself and sky rocket. I have never had high blood pressure, but being bodily aware, have been fascinated that the immediate ‘fight or flight’ hyperness that this mandatory evacuation propelled had stuck me … Read more
Mount Washington, Monday Morning, January 27 I grew up in South India. As a tiny girl, the ‘custom’ was for American children of missionaries and diplomats to go to boarding school…one in the north and one in the south of the country. As my father’s primary headquarters was in the south, Kodaikanal, in the Palni … Read more
The Temple Of Leaves Every human choses how to ride the waves of life, how to show up to others, and how connected to be to self. The choices can be conscious…or not. I once read a Clarissa Pinkola Estes piece on women and truth…but I think this applies to all. “Hi. How are you … Read more
Sunday Evening—Mount Washington A few days ago, a daddy longlegs, with gangly wildly unpredictable dancing legs, catalyzed a flash for me on Danny Kaye in “A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court” and how my dad gaffawed just at the mention of the character, hence I dubbed this spider, ‘Danny’. Danny, oh Danny, I’m sorry. … Read more
Wednesday Night Riding the wave of surrender and healing is as indiviual as we humans are. Personally, the shock, then the tears, then a verison of grounding which feels solid and then suddenly is not.. I believed that I had NO photos of my nest. My memory is keen, and as my haven has been … Read more
As the fire was coming and there was no time to THINK, I grabbed a few little hats sitting on the table that I had knit as holiday gifts…and I stuffed them with a couple of tiny tchotchkes that I glanced at as I flew by. These little bears…a mother and two babies. As a … Read more
The fire burned my home. Every treasure from artwork, to books, to my mother’s diary, to photos, to my father’s briefcase, to creations of my daughters when they were little, to EVERYTHING and just now….a birthday present arrived from my friend, Claudia…..it allowed the tears to flow and my self to scream with sorrow. This … Read more
January 5, 2025, Malibu Spontaneous sharing here. On this human trek, I have bid farewell to NUMEROUS crucial comrades…meaning they have died and I have not. My relationships with these beings has continued. My connection to each is real. I have shared this with my grand children as well, so that we can mutually go … Read more
2025! Here we go! And I thank you ALL!!!!! Here, There, and Everywhere, you magic wanded my birthday with warmth and exuberance and phone calls and tete a tetes and f-o-o-d and supreme gold nugget companionship. My heart is luxuriating. As a single mother, decades ago, whenever a ping of ecstacy engulfed me, my daughters … Read more
Happy New Year to you ALL!!!!! Happy Birthday to ME!!!!!! YES, my beginnings and endings happen all at once. In astrology, Capricorns youthen as they age, having lived ‘as old’ in childhood, they lighten up and become childlike as the years pass. In 1991, living in NYC, while attending a Deepak Chopra presentation at the … Read more
We bless this year for all we learned, For all we loved and lost And for the quiet way it brought us Nearer to our invisible destination. We give thanks for the gifts it brought And how they became inlaid within Where neither tide nor time can touch them. Amen.
December 21, 2024—The Solstice—-Malibu One week and one day ago PCH was opened and those evacuated for the Franklin Fire were allowed to return home. Various degrees of trauma having been lived, today’s solstice brings cool, calm, soul knowing in ‘let the darkness come, breathe in its gifts, and then…then…light and living and seeing.’ A … Read more
Beverly HIlls, December 20, 2024 Whilst pumping gas, a woman at the next pump whimpering to her partner, “I’m lost.” Shuttling to a crisis call from Madison Wisconsin a few days ago, the same words, ”I’m lost.” The soul crying out in confusion and malaise. When Gian Carlos Menotti’s opera “The Consu;l” was my soul … Read more
Malibu, December 20, 2024 Tomorrow the winter solstice. A cellular rush, apres le Franklin Fire, is just now relaxing. For one who has forever dropped off to sleep with no effort, this week a restlessness has prevented that luxury but is just now releasing its hold, whew, thank goodness. And this morning? A blanket … Read more
MALIBU, December 10, 2024 Maybe one day in the grass green sky… But not today. Last night, or was it this morning? Knock Knock Knock on my door and ‘mandatory evacuation’ staring me in the face. Wait a minute. Where are we? What year is this? I’ve already done this. Hurricane Hugo, thirty-five years ago. … Read more
Tenafly, New Jersey, Mid 1960’s Whilst acclimating to life in America after having lived years in India there was MUCH to get used to. Christmas being a big one. We would wake to my mother’s joyous reunion with her piano, hence Christmas carols, loud and clear and Dad’s exuberant humming to go with. My sister … Read more
Malibu, December 2024 Fog laden, wind wild, light piercing, or roseblushed still. No matter what the world is doing, singing perches outside my window in loyal commitment to rousing and greeting. Is that the commitment? If so, why continue? “Good morning”, says I. And the pitch intensifies. We hear but do not listen. “Your singing … Read more
Open your arms and your heart to peace. Breathe in calm. Invite angels or guides or Ganesh or whoever your supporting beings are to allow no obstacles to stand between you and your soul knowing. Let nothing darken your light, your love, your devotion to healing. What is, has been decided eleswhere for eons. Be … Read more
November 2024, Malibu The creatures are misbehaving. The fires are burning north of here. I was called to ‘help’. It mystifies me that there is no word for holding space in the sacred burning ground of homes and lives and present sorrow. For those nights, at home in my own bed, overlooking the ocean, listening … Read more
Every single one of us is alone in the world. It takes courage to meet the full force of this. Until we learn to inhabit our solitariness, to be with it, to make friends with it, the distraction and noise of otherwise seduces us into false belonging, and then? Emptiness and weariness. The GOOD NEWS … Read more
Waban, Massachusetts, 1960 We sailed for India in 1957 and returned to the States seven years later, HOWEVER right in the middle, in 1960, we flew back for 6 months…right smack at the height of political drama while Nixon and Kennedy were going head to head. In addition to profound personal upheaval for the younger … Read more
I wonder what it is to be you. Somewhere from my ancient past, THIS: (Did I read this or hear it or know it when I came in from whatever realm preceded this one?) Every single being on earth, be it a rose or a lizard or a tree or a horse, comes in complete. … Read more
Charleston, South Carolina—1985 The Spoleto Arts Festival was spectacularly in full bloom, with Charleston throbbing and spilling over with musical, theatrical and dancing artists from around the world. The festival was Gian Carlo Menotti’s creation and SO thrilling for we artistic dreamers. My own children’s theater company had been accepted by the spin-off local tangent, … Read more
Last night I treated myself to watching ‘Ladies in Lavendar’, being reminded of this gentle, innocent, magical story with the news of Maggie Smith passing a few weeks ago. FLASH! LONDON…1984 In mid February I had received news that a special friend of mine, who lived in Peterborough, England, was seriously down for count with … Read more
I think I’ll call Mom. Oh, that’s right, Mom….You….left 17 years ago…as in your body….not sure you actually left as I feel you all the time. I feel like calling you….oh, wait a minute…our calls were not on cell phones. ‘Cell phones’ you ask? Yes….Oh brother, I’m not going to try to explain that….though actually … Read more
Every year on this day, phone calls and messages come through and waves of wonder, sadness, gratitude, and love blow through my heart. I was a member of ‘the grief team’ for 9/11 and was assigned twenty women to work with for a year. What is there to say? St. Exupery’s works were fundamental north … Read more
Oh Sacred Day! Mom. Seventeen years ago you left….you set yourself free….and I see that it was perfect…now. You ignited a chapter…you lit a fire…family connections and paths became more clear and catapulsion happened. You left, Dad plummeted and left, Norman and I went homeless, the children became my liferafts, depth and clarity fine tuned … Read more
“And so here we are”, said the spider to the fly. “Yes indeedy”, said the fly to the spider. “What to make of IT?” said the spider to the fly. “You tell me. “ said the fly to the spider, “And by the way, I have never seen myself as a victim of circumstance but … Read more
February 1968, Northfield School, Northfield, Massachusetts Then: On a freezing evening in a chilly auditorium, the weekend movie had been announced but as not many in our dorm had ever heard of it, I went alone. During Christmas break, my older brother had mentioned ‘Elvira Madigan’ over tomato soup and Boston brown bread, saying “You … Read more
A spider and I have accidentally grown a relationship, and I know that my mother is smiling. Back story: Perhaps because of ‘Charlotte’s Web’, perhaps JUST BECAUSE, my mother had a fondness for spiders. For decades, my family’s summer refuge was a rustic rented cottage on the shore of Lake Michigan, in the woods, with … Read more
In the midst of the froth from heaviness and confusion to joy and hope, a dragon card appeared with a message for us all in this, ITS year. Dragon eyes see beauty everywhere. It is said that if a Yogi does not see beauty in the world, their agni is dim. Agni is defined … Read more
Clockwork Orange, poisonous toads and saving the crocodiles. Yesterday while driving up PCH I was drawn into an NPR report on crocodiles in Australia being poisoned by toads. What? And apparently it’s a disaster…and lizards and snakes are also being victimized by the SITUATION. The toads are actually innocent. They do not hop about biting … Read more
The moon, pale as swan wings, watched as they moved over the blue. The swan felt the warm weight of the woman resting on his wings, followed the pathway made by the music. The sea cradled the creature as he moved, light on the water. The sky revealed the light of heavens, a dark cloth, … Read more
As I watched a miniscule bee traverse one kitchen tile back and forth, back and forth, he/she was clearly befuddled. A tiny voice tinkled out saying “In a place called lost, strange things are found”…. there was no giving up….but the bee was wearying. You need to meditate, said I silently…slow down…let your brain go. … Read more
HAPPY BIRTHDAY my darling MELANIE!!!! What you bring, who you are… there are no words, only music and awe and wonder that you chose ME to be your mother…. THANK YOU, SWEETIE PIE!!!! And now a joyful, gleeful, love-filled BEAUTEOUS BIRTHDAY to YOU!!!
July 22, 1976…Excelsior, Minnesota Nine months pregnant, the weather was hot, the mosquitoes were feasting on every bit of flesh they could find, and I was determined to tend to my garden full of zinnias and black eyed susans and poppies and cone flowers and nasturtiums while dodgling buzzing bees that were drunk on the … Read more
Perhaps because I do not express my political opinions publicly, the supposition seems to be that I am uninformed….perhaps…because I have received at least TWO DOZEN texts from people sharing the news of Biden’s decision today, delivered with respect but also as if I am in kindergarten. Haha. I grew up in a family where … Read more
My hood is inhabited by numerous Trump supporters as well as numerous non humans. It seems that the non humans are more tuned into the humans than the other way around. One of our night-time visitors is a mountain lion, whose medicine (according to Native Americans) is LEADERSHIP. Every single time this mountain lion visits, … Read more
Down by the sea, this elegant adorable spindly legged graceful creature struggled with itself over ‘Do I go into the water? Do I not go into the water? I WANT to go in, it’s calling me and looks like fun, BUT it’s splashy and cold and there’s something about it that makes me scared, WHAT … Read more
The coast has been invaded by boisterous partying heat escapees. The pelicans do not seem pleased, the sea lions are keeping their distance and the local humans are complaining loudly….yes, we’ve been infiltrated by foreign bodies….and the evidence is written in big letters on the names of the yachts…’OUTSIDERS’ just sailed out to sea and … Read more
Yesterday evening, standing on the edge of my bluff, beholding the golden light, soft winds and rustling leaves above the ever expansive sea and feeling that all really is well with the world in spite of…..
The Santa Anas have arrived in fulll glorious might resulting in a myriad of responses.
Recently the words ‘ If you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back at you’ crossed my path.
Sitting at a stoplight on PCH, a small creature that is not the usual four legged vagabond in this hood, scampered out into the middle of the intersection…
Three days after the three days of isolation that the atmospheric deluge commanded.
During my flu recovery this week, I began watching a mystery and withiin the first five mnutes knew everything that would happen and who had DONE IT.
Is there a mouse in the house? or something bigger? or maybe under the house, trying to scramble in?
The prediction of torrential rain exploded joyful ecstatic impishness in my core yester eve …but…I will WAIT until the heavens have really let it rip before venturing forth on my bluff, says I.
As baby teeth loosened, popped out and found their way under the pillow, a winsome, poetry laden tooth brownie found his way to our home every single time, and left wee treasures, ALWAYS with a note scratched out on a tiny slip of paper.
Sitting at a traffic light in my blue Taurus station wagon on East Bay Street, in Charleston, contemplating how on earth I was going to pull off participating in the ‘Proprioceptive Writing Course” at The Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, New York. I needed to do this.
May we learn to walk upon the earth
With the confidence and clear-eyed stillness of animals,
In the late 60’s, living in suburbia New York, my mother’s passion for ‘doing’ rose up with a no-turning-back vegeance and she announced that she needed to go back to India, to gather information on the famine so that she could write THE BOOK.
Once upon a time ago, when I lived in NYC, my nest was half a block from Central Park and two blocks south of the Natural History Museum.
May you have friends who can see you, may your senses be windows of wonder and your mind a prism of spirit.
‘By the skin of my teeth’ floated through my so-called mind this morning as I pondered how on earth my existential reality is managing ever snce the writers’ strike obliterated my income.
Late late, too late, I finally slipped into bed, opened the window and where was I? And when?
My stunningly brilliant, queen of communicating and passionate pianist mother was stroked at the age of 83.
