Soft breezes, bees buzzing, coyotes meandering and I’m once again in my favorite little cottage on a hilltop over looking LA. As strenuous as it is being without my own home and car, I am beyond blessed by the angels in my life, who continually step up to offer me the most incredible in-the-moments. In the last 10 days I have moved 6 times. There was a time when I sobbed with living out of a suitcase, and the knowing, after a good night’s sleep in a real bed, that in the morning I would have to move on, but where to? It was too much to wrap myself around, on top of the 100% upheaval of life as I knew it.
Time. There really isn’t such a thing in my world, but what there is, is peace, surrender, gratitude, joy and love. Lifetimes ago, my first husband and I went on a vacation and were joined by several of his friends, midway. I had tucked Joyce Carol Oates’ book “Do With Me What You Will” into my bag to read, just in case the men got to cavorting and I wanted a time out. I remember being buried in the intensity of this writing while the title brought jokes and whoopla to the group. I had been transported into a serious, complicated world and wanted to honor it, and felt irritated by the poking fun. My being participated so fully in the entire experience that here, decades later, the phrase, ‘Do with me what you will’ frequently flits into mind with humor and head shaking. Little did I know it would become the first mantra of surrender on this journey. And now? Breathe and chill. Breathe and chill. Breathe and chill, but I love ‘Do with me what you will’ with arms open to the sky.