Something is happening and it’s so huge and so tiny that I can’t even grasp it. Tears and feelings flood to my throat and hover behind my eyes, stuck, caught, loaded. I’m so tired that I can hardly move as this knowing kept me up all night.
I can see my home in my mind’s eye. I see the soft green rugs in the living room and. my moss green velvet love seat next to my elephant table next to the blue velvet chair next to the carved rosewood trunk next to my grandmother’s Venetian table. Golden light and soft winds ruffle the curtains, Leonard Cohen is playing and Luciana and Obie are rolling around on the floor. I’m getting ready to make brandy snaps and the syrups are bubbling. A few papers, that were sitting next to my computer blow off the table and Luciana jumps up “Mahwah! Papers are blowing!” Obie watches her sleepily and then closes his eyes as she brings them to me.
What is going on in my brain? What is going on with my meetings this week? Suddenly, after nine years of trying to be seen and heard in LA, around my scripts, there is a shift. The dream that was the first link in the chain that led me to this journey of no home has been alive and well the whole time. There have been times when it had to be hushed because immediate survival needed to take precedence, but it always burned and danced inside of me, always. The words of Joseph Campbell have rung and sung to me through-out:
“One thing that comes out of myths is that at the bottom of the abyss comes the voice of salvation. The black moment is the moment when the real message of transformation is going to home. At the darkest moment comes the light.”
My stories come from my life, from my womb. I can only write what I have lived. I needed to live these years without home, because I was chosen to write about it. The time is coming for the next story to begin, as this one is completed. I will walk way from this chapter with phenomenally powerful vibrations. Any experience where God gives one the opportunity to look oneself in the eye, stripped down, bare, and then be required to stand there and live from there, is the most divine of all gifts. I will exit this chapter with sacred respect, gratitude and love.