. There is such a thing as mixing up trust with need and muddying the truth.
Over a year ago my husband and I had to walk away from our home because we had trusted someone, something, words, promises that pushed our rationality but felt in alignment with our destinies. Were we wrong? No, there isn’t such a thing. “Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go”. We believed then and we believe now in who we are, the path we are on, how our lives are unfolding, and how we are to show up in the world with our God given gifts. The who and what we trusted in was not grounded but not wrong. What we are experiencing as a result is only making us more of who we are supposed to be.
Two days ago we left the Sesame House in the valley. Insecurities and angst rose from my belly and my old friend snake medicine delivered another bite. I’m just now recovering and healing and phoenixing as the poison makes me stronger. Angels accompany me above, below, and at my side, always; their loyal presence comforts and supports.
When I was a girl my older brother collected boa constrictors, pythons and anacondas. None of these were poisonous but Dave’s fascination with snakes led him into worlds where cobras were devenomed and snake handlers were friends. Around the dinner table, the whole family immersed itself in tales of exotic near ‘misses’ and reptilean likes and dislikes. Little did I know that this family that I had been born into, with profound differences among us, was laying the foundation for my entire adulthood even with these stories of transmutation cycles where multiple bites grow an immunity to poison and the shedding of skins is about life and death and rebirth. Twenty years later when I drew my first American Indian Medicine Cards and my spirit animals claimed me, snake appeared among them and I took a deep breath with an ‘oh no’ following with an exhale of soul understanding.
Snake bit me hard this week and though he has become a familiar companion, his presence always requires energy, attention and respect. While dealing with his bite, in the first stage, I slide away from my creativity and expression and I move through my world with angel wings around me whilst attempting to see clearly and feel present and be strong. Then the healing and growth begin.
My husband and I have become professional house-sitters for this chapter. All of our earthly possessions are in storage and we are living the dread of many Americans. We have no home, no health insurance, no bank account and no concrete plan. I am here to say it’s not only alright but it’s an incredible experience, more rich with personal and spirit treasure than one can grok without the walking. Every single day the fog around my soul’s vision becomes clearer and though much energy is required to maintain an equilibrium, the challenge is worth it. ‘Following one’s bliss’ is a phrase that was popular twenty years ago; and I know now that this doesn’t mean that every moment feels delightful but it does mean that every moment I am planting the garden of my life and my dreams are breathing and manifesting. Along the way I am meeting people who I touch and am touched by, we appear and disappear to each other but in the moment there is a clarity of experiencing ourselves and God in every exchange. I have stories to tell and the stories are growing. Norman and I are a screenwriting team, we are new to the world of wheeling and dealing in Hollywood, and we continue to believe that our stories are our destiny.
Tonight with one roof behind and one ahead somewhere, my higher self says “I welcome you, oh snake medicine, as your bites empower me and your skin shedding rebirths me. You watch! One day I shall sprout angel wings of my own and you will be in awe and I shall thank you forever”
And my smaller self says, “ I need to rest now as tomorrow is a new day and spring is coming.”
Good night.