The Temple Of Leaves
Every human choses how to ride the waves of life, how to show up to others, and how connected to be to self. The choices can be conscious…or not.
I once read a Clarissa Pinkola Estes piece on women and truth…but I think this applies to all.
“Fine.Everything’s good.”
“How are you really?”
“How many hours do you have?”
I’m guilty. Knee-jerked for fifty million years to be the one who ‘cares for’, hence if I am asked how I am : “I’m well, delighted with life, thank you.”
Truth?
Yes. True. But othernesses can be true as well in the same moment. Truths that are deep and trying to quiet and not sure where the balance is or where the joy went. Truths that must not be brought out into the light and not to be shared. Why? Vulnerability? Being less than? Giving power to that which feels safer if it is kept still?
Not sure.
But what I do know at this moment, is that spontaneous bursts of feelings and tears that the fire’s fierce destruction has loosened creates a plunge and upheaval of layers and layers that have kept serenely at bay forever until now.
A life-time of holding has broken forth.
Dare I say for multitudes in this city of ours?
And now the ride is about how to BE with this outing.
As nature connects me to beauty and God, and prior to fire was my daily immersement of heart and soul, I have been other-wise lately.
These days and hours I have been dealing with Fema and the Red Cross and lines of people and their stories and upset and being discombobulated with my present surroundings, and in amongst the ‘of this world loss’ I felt an indescribeable loss which I wasn’t able to define in the midst of it all.
And then I woke up.
Where have I been?
I walked. I walked and walked and walked and I found a temple of leaves. I sat under an umbrella of green with dapples of light quivering and streaming and I let it all in.
May we all be real with our deepest fears and look them in the eye in the light.